I Found Something

I found something-

Somewhere floating around among blood cells,

Wedged in a back corner of my consciousness…

It was an idea.

First, just an inkling, 

Of where I might go 

And what I could be. 

Only to find it was

Coded in the make up of my bones

And falling out of me like strands of hair-

I would have never thought this homebody,

This girl-afraid-of-what-moving-away-did-to-her-all-those-years-ago,

Would want so badly to be freed from routine

And plunged into uncertainty and solitude

With nobody but herself in her skin and in her mind-

N o b o d y    e l s e

To give her the go-ahead and nods of approval

She felt she needed all her life.

I found that the choice is intriguing; 

It seems I am finally seduced 

By the ability to think my own thoughts 

And buy my own socks 

And be the cause of my own tears for ONCE

Instead of someone else

Instead of things like “fate” -and whatever else they sold to me so long ago

Deciding for me.

I found something-

I’m sorry that it took me so long.

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